did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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