I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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