Duck Duck Cougar?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
