I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
