There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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