oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
