Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I am full of burrito and curiosity
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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