Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
they're like a gay fantastic four
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
