my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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