dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
