so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
