be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
