Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
