dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
