You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
