The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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