i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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