I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
