I think im going to throw up on grandma
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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