I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
