so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
