we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
