IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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