saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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