So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
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He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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