Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
