I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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