just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
There r osticjed everywhere
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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