his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize