The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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