Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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