thus making me awesome and them whores
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
