i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
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He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
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Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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