i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
