No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
