It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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