so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
