I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
