I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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