so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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