I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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