You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
