Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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