Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
So much Jack, so little girl.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
