some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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