I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
i now understand why vodka
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
