Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
