just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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