ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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