Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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