Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize