I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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