there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
My bed is full of blood and feathers
They took my balls.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
