Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
