If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
