That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
