i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
