New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
