i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
