Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
