just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
