youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
only you would photoshop your dick
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
