i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
