I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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