She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
