that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
