U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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