told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
