Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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