I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I think my moral compass just broke
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
