Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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