Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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