I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
