You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
