just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
